Lockdown and Motherhood Amplified
I have not joined a group of volunteers in my town, I have not run errands for my elderly neighbours, I have not sewn masks in succession. I have not watched online worship services, I have not read any Christian spiritual growth books, I have not taken a theology course by distance learning. In one sense, I have prayed a lot… for my character flaws and for God’s guidance in this new normal.
I have taken over the schooling of three children from ages 3 to 7 years, all the while keeping one eye on our 18-month old in full discovery mode of his growing mobility. I have been a music teacher, a physical education coach, an organiser of treasure hunts. My husband and I have taken turns in order to differ our approaches to things. The kids have made so many crafts that I don’t know where to put them anymore. We have written to our family members, to some of the mothers at school, to the team of teachers; we’ve sent texts, emails and even regular letters through the post!
There are good days and bad. Those where together we have planted flowers and built playhouses, and those where I wish we had a larger yard for all our children, or at least a lawn that wasn’t so beat up. Those where I get a load of work done, and those, more often, where I don’t succeed at being productive during my afternoons of telecommuting, and where I blame myself, and those around me. The times where the simple fact of playing or listening to music gives me the impression of having risen above everything, and the days where my emotions go up and down like a yo-yo. I have cried, I have laughed, I have screamed, I have shared a complicit glance, I have punished, I have cuddled, I have shut myself in a deep silence.
My Bible was always close at hand, the virtual meetings with our community almost daily. During this time of sharing and praying, my mind was sometimes elsewhere or just blank. But this also is community, being surrounded by brothers and sisters that want our good, even when we stay quiet. With the girls of my 3D group we have grown spiritually, even when, for my part, I have the impression that I never find emotional stability.
At this moment, nobody can predict the consequences of the COVID-19 pandemic on our society. What I do know, however, is that it has precipitated in me a process of character transformation that I had been putting off for several months. I want to believe in the promises of God the Creator, the one who knows our condition. Not only will he give me what I need in this long process of change, but he will add even more in order that I would become a person who can do good around me (2 Corinthians 9:8).